Jobless yet not boring....=)

Yes,this is what happens.Every time I click on the 'new post', I end up staring at the empty column which is.. well, staring at me back. After an hour or so playing the staring game, I will give up and close the page. There are so much of stuff to tell everyone but there is something lacking in me.. something that is preventing me to express myself. I am trying to pen down my thoughts for the past few days, but somehow find it hard to put my feelings into words. That is always my problem isn't it? I wonder how these authors manage to write novels and tonnes of them! I can't even write a proper blog post expressing myself and that certainly makes me to look like a loser.

The problem is most of the time the ideas I post here is truly originally mine,but somehow I will have to sometimes peep into other people’s blog to exactly get those ideas of mine in a written form.That has always bothered me....,realizing my English had never been good enough.
Anyway,it’s all about learning isn’t it?And that’s how I do.And that is my purpose to have a blog on my own first of all…to improve my writing and learning to pen down my thoughts.

It is complicated nevertheless. And I am talking not only about writing a blog post. . Even human behaviour never fail to make me to awe in disbelief. It's like a cobweb - complex, real and intimidating. Can get what I mean…??? If you don’t ,then just forget it .... ;p

Well, it had been a tiring week after I started looking for a job since like a 3weeks ago and I still land in a jobless island. Not because I'm being choosy and picky but... I just wanna find a job that can make me always on-the-go with it and not feeling dreaded to work. So basically, for the past few,…no many days... my time was mostly spent on.. making calls, writing resume, interviews and finding ways to reject some offer. Haha!!! Trust me, it's a wonderful experience after all and I do really learn alot from one interviewer to another. I just didn't realise this until lately, I actually have an interest in communicating with people as all along, I thought of myself as an INTROVERT.

ka,ka,ka...

It's not that I wanna boast about how many jobs I had turned down so far but really, there are just alot of aspects I need to consider mindfully.Transportation…,every job I’ve been called so far is located far from my area.It's like I have to take at least 2 bus to get there.And it has been always a minus point that I don’t drive yet.Or perhaps I should say I’m not allowed to drive yet. ;p kesian aku....
Then,the salary is not very satisfaying as when I roughly calculate the amount I’ll be having in my hand at the end of the month….,there’ll be nothing much left after I minus the Socso,EPF ,food and transportation cost.Adding to that,I still have not own a hand phone.So,basically,I’m not really prepared to work anywhere.But somehow I have to.Sounds pathetic??? ha,ha,ha..I know…;p
And I will never forget my working experience for a day in Wisma Central…;p….Outdoor advertising ….,Customer service…sounds neat and cool,isn’t it?Yeah right.....ha,ha..that’s where they brought me for a walking under the hot sun to distribute domino pizza’a voucher.WTH lar….I really got pissed off because it was totally out of my expectation.

The best part was that I got praised by the boss that I have very good potential...kepala otak dia! Dah I kena tipu..ini nak puji pula..DUH! ;p
Hayyo…so,apa lagi cabut lar..!!!!!!!!!ha,ha,ha….I waved at them saying GOODBYE ‘CUSTOMER SERVICE’!!!

moral of the story.....,

December is coming to an end ….hoping I’ll get a good job soon…so that I can start earning by January.


Alright then,I should get a good sleep first for now ;p

Good night people.....=)

Happy Tsunami Day!!!!

;p Ooopsss sorry!!!

and this can cause tsunamis too!  ha,ha,ha...

Targeted...

There are some things that I clearly know I have to avoid because its none of my business but it's unavoidable simply because I can't even if want to…how can I just ignore when I could clearly see the consequences of your actions???? Once is enough…if you are blaming your hormones and age…No,not for this.This has got to do merely with your commonsense and how much you let others to have influence over you. I’m sorry that sometimes my way of caring for you is such a dry method.But,because you matter much to me… I’d rather be real,and say exactly what I feel than act all fake and be something I ain’t. It's always wise to learn from the mistakes of others, rather than you making it yourself and regretting it someday. Prevention is better than cure, but IF you want to do what you think it FEELS good, you may go on. Someday you will know what I said was true, and hopefully that moment isn't too late for you to digest the facts that was once sour to you.


Anyhow,you can always count on me and thanks a lot for trusting me =)

(If this post does’nt concern you,pls ignore)

The end of the book of SCHOOL.....

This is how I feel right now....

=)  =)  =)

STPM is over...yes finally.All I want to say is....

Feelings of all remorseful is of course  unavoidable.It was'nt  because of my ignorance...I knew afterall that STPM is not going to be as easy as it sounds.I could have worked harder..,I know it was'nt my best.All I can do is to hope that I'll be given another chance and opportunity to prove myself...and I  know no matter how much I pray,I'll only get what I rightfully deserve.
My first and for most mistake was because I gave up in the very beginning itself.....yup,I actually gave up much earlier...

'MACHO LAW' is what kept prohibiting me from admitting that I had actually given up long time ago!  ;p

Okay,lets just forget it.....no regrets,only lessons learnt. =)

The word G.O.A.L.S and D.R.E.A.M.S in life seems to be pretty often talked about, but scoring it is another big story isn't it? [sigh] Walahaai...

So,it  is indeed an ending to our schooling life but bear in mind the REALISTIC LIFE has just begun! No more fooling around and corrections can be made anymore as the real world out there doesn't give a second chance to the ignorant. I can tell the teachers that I didn't finish their homework but I can never even tell my boss that I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE PROPOSAL! I can arrive school late in one straight row of days and could not care less with the demerits awarded but I don't think I can tolerate the black charcoal face of my boss for even a day if I were ever late for once ;p

Okay...back to where I was...,Last day of schooling in my life, after so many years of making school as my second home. Today, I could just stand before the time and looked at the flashbacks of my one a half years journey in Form 6. Beautiful is the word for it. Although one and a half years is nothing compared to my 11 years of toiling in St.Mary Primary and Secondary School, but somehow Form 6 in Smk Raja Abdullah has touched my life deeper than those days in my previous school. I would say that it's because of the unsung heroes that live behind those walls. Yes, they are the teachers,juniors and all my new friends I met at there.

 I would say most of them have touched my heart tremendously, unrealisingly, I'd grown fonder of them with time. I never thought that it was harder than thought, to walk out from this stage of life, leaving behind these wonderful people that I got to know in Smk Raja Abdullah.Each and every one I met  in this school has been very meaningful to me.Be it you.

Then, it came to a stage where I started to feel, arghh..I'm going to miss all the great times I had here with my friends. Well, I'm always feeling thankful to be blessed with such awesome friends in my life. It was a sudden change in my life when I entered F6 last year, from an all girls' school to a coed school. From loads of responsibilities,dicipline,studies to a carefree teenager,independant student.I never thought I'd be able to find so many genuine friends here. Thinking back on how we started our conversations and getting to know one another, was such a memorable experience.

There's so much more to write about this...I think I should start with a new title some other day.

Alrite then...,we all left the school after the Chemistry (paper1) feeling so excited.I had lunch with my friends in Marry Brown and took bus to St.Mary.The others left for a movie in Brem Mall..My bestie,Komala, joined me ....we had a great time together.It had been a few months since we last met.We had so much to talk,though time factor did'nt allow us to do so.Haiz~it's okay...I believe separation secures a manifest friendship..=)
and ya...,I also realised something today...I think now I've learned the difference between having a 'good friend' and having a 'close friend'. It's about whether or not you are having 'real' conversations.

Well, my purpose to go back to school wasn't for the sake of roaming at the corridors from one classroom to another but actually went back to collect my 1119 certificate. Trust me, no matter how tough and hectic the lessons were or maybe how unreasonable the teachers once were, it doesn't really matter after all..... as school is always a place where corrections can be made and not in the real world out there. The very first step I made into the hallway,we call it a lobby, it gave me a very strong sense of belonging. Being an ex- St.Marian is yet another gift I acquired.

Okay,you may find this post of mine totally unorganized..I'm sorry,can't help it..my fingers are all typing on its own.Obviously,I'm overwhelmed.He,he..;p

Oh dear, I'm starting to miss alot of things about school. Going to miss the times when I was late and sped all the way from home to school just to catch the time before the back gate closed. Going to miss the times when we hanged out overtime in the F6 toilet just to escape from some classes :P Going to miss the lunches after school hours, duties in the library, kadet bomba and so much more!

F6, a wise choice made that I know I will and shall never regret doing even it was a tough time struggling with the syllabus. I know someday when I look back at those were the days, it would definitely be a smile and not a frown  =)

Great time,great smile,great friends in a great school...=)

Been there, done that.

End of the schooling chapter.

Heaven on Earth....

It was just today that I serious got into biology,getting prepared to explain to my friends about the human foetal development and parturition process in humans…not even an hour after I begin,something horrible happened that made me not to sit back on my table for the rest of the day.

There were two girls running into my house yelling and crying out so loud that I got totally freaked out.It was raining at that time,around 10 p.m.Flashbacks were clouding my mind.The girls were my so called ‘neighbours’. It was of course a bad news.Their little sister of 5 years met with an accident….

It happened like this…..,

The little girl cried to follow her parents to their work place,which is a Petronas gas factory.Her father worked there as a security guard and at that time he had his night shift.This little girl got so bored it seems and she started to play around.To be specific,she played around a parked container lorry,not knowing that it was the ‘yemman’(God of death). By sudden,the driver got back into the lorry,never realised a girl hanging at the back and moved.
Thats the end…,she dropped down and the lorry got over her head.It happened in just a blink of eye…

The condition of the dead was of course extremely horrifying. Face identification, a complete no. It was seriously something I shouldn’t have seen the very first thing today. Not only me, be it you. What more,it was just today morning,few hours before the incident that I saw that little girl near my house.She smiled at me.Yes,she smiled.
By the time I’m writing this, her family members might be crying for this little girl at home, horrified that she is no longer in this world.She was just a kid…

Okay,lets blame the destiny!I decided not to attend the funeral tomorrow….her smiley face this morning is what I want to remember for the rest of my life.

I’ve seen number of deaths in my life,infact many… but very rarely do I see victims of horrible deaths. It’s a sad day, moreover I personally know her. That was it. That’s the end of her life. It was that instant.

While we’re living, we worry about so many things in our life. We worry about how we are going to pass our examinations. We worry about how we are going to earn money. We worry about how our life is going to turn out to be,whether we are able to achieve our dreams or not….so and so.

But have you ever once worried about what people are going to think about you after your death? Have you seriously considered, or even thought for a moment about that? I don’t know about you,as for me..I honestly did since the first death I saw in my life.Surprised or no…I was only nine then.

Questions of life are hard to be answered, or maybe there's none at all.Life after all is all about day and night, tears of joy and despair, hours of real life drama, earning and spending money and rest in peace in the coffin soon after that!
I know what I'm waiting for tomorrow to be done but do I know what is waiting for me tomorrow?

Okay,enough of sentimental talks…The reason I wrote this post is obviously to calm me down and for my own pleasure.Might as well make you wonder.May the girl R.I.P.

Death, as I said earlier, indeed can be that instant.

* This post was scribbled by me on 7th Nov,11.45p.m.

long ago drafted,now posted =D

Sometimes, how I wished I could turn back time.
Not possible at all.
But then I realise, time is not the matter now.
It's all down on ME, MYSELF & I!

Even if I'm given the time once and over again,
It'll not change a thing if I don't live up my vision, and leap high.
I'm trying and trying and trying to prove myself.
Over and over again, I fail myself.

I'm giving others room for their mistakes,
because I know humans aren't perfect.
Do I have a room for that as well???

I'm struggling to give myself another chance,
particularly my own mistakes.
Sometimes I feel that I'd rather be the one who is disappointed,
Rather than be the one who is disappointing.
In this case now, I'm disappointed of disappointing myself.
Such hysterical disappointment isn't a great feeling.

It's just a whole new day the next moment I open up my eyes.
And I know my journey doesn't end just here.
I'll be moving on and on and on,
giving out a 100% of myself

Only a few more days to go,
I'm so close to the peak,
I will not give up.
And I shall hope that,
I've not been given up, yet.

My faith is still rolling,
And it shall never stop.
Tomorrow is a whole new day.
I will use it wisely.
No more monkey business,
I'll be on my ground.
My nonsense shall end here!

wAAHHH...sounds like a poem huh...;p

It started very late in me......

Now,I must tell you this...,I did not realise that I have so much more to go for Biology until I read this from the syllabus provided:

                Okay, if it's unclear to you, let me tell you what it reads:

          BIODIVERSITY (16 periods)

I didn't know I've been sleeping away for so many periods during Biology :P How am I supposed to fit all these 16 periods of informations into my brain within these few days??

Suddenly I thought of my childhood hero... ka,ka,ka...

This fella's pocket is truly a Kedai Serbanika..

If you've been a Doraemon fan, you would've come across one of his MOST USEFUL TOOL EVER INVENTED: ROTI AJAIB!

I still remember there was once when Nobita was whining and crying because he couldn't finish studying and he had to sit for the papers the next day...

Nobita: Macam mana la Doraemon, aku tak boleh habis baca ni???
Doraemon: Padanlah! Awak ni selalu aje main bila ada masa lapang dan tak mau belajar.
Nobita: Ahhhh~ Tolonglah aku Doraemon...
Doraemon: Baiklah untuk kali terakhir, biar aku cari (korek poket).....AHA! ROTI AJAIB!

Still remember the idea of how the ROTI AJAIB works? Simple.

1) Get a piece of bread.

2) Flip to the page you want to memorize from the book.

3) Then press the bread hard onto the surface of the page.

Then, turn over the bread and you'll eventually see something like this...

And munch on it, you'll then remember those facts!

Just that easy! :D

So now you can tell your mother that you don't need anymore Brand's Chicken Essence. All you need is more, more and more Gardenia breadssss.. :P

Okay okay.., I know that sounds really lunatic but I'm really full of craps right now, please excuse me.
Really,PLEASE EXCUSE ME ...

Honestly,I'd rather have the time being fast forwarded so I could finish all the papers as soon as possible and go all the way out there and scream my lungs out loud! The feeling of being trapped like this now is horribly depressing. The worst frustration I foresee to face is to forget whatever I just revised when I hold the papers upright before my eyes.

I don't think my memory space is a factor to be blamed, seriously no :P I think I have a mega memory space but it's just that, I'm not realy making a full use of it honestly :D I just think that INCONSISTENCY is the keyword in my case :D But I'm just too sick off feeling remorseful and feeling all regretted of the things I SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE. There's no second thought when it comes to making myself feeling happy, first :) And I should answer the questions of my failure soon after that :P I think my teachers have done their best and I have to do the REST!

I must admit that, though I'm not a top/serious F6 student but a little stress and pressure here and there is bound to overwhelmed me as the exam season catastrophe strikes the Earth. Everyone is so competitive when it comes to exams but to me, the only person that I should go serious in a competition with is.... MYSELF =)

I'd always told myself that, what is there for me to compete with others when I can't even be able to OUTDO myself. Hayyo… Well, life as a student is a very subjective issue. We have to study hard at the same time, we want to play hard. Sometimes if you were to realise, there are only 3 categories of students.

1) Hopeless
2) Average
3) Beyond Godlike

I fall in the 2nd category for sure and I feel so sandwiched in between. Just striving hard enough for not to fall to the hopeless stage and yet never be able to go higher than that. I'm not a studious person and at the same time, I don't want to be hopeless. Arrghhhh.. !!! Suddenly, I'm feeling wary and unsure of my position. Definitely not beyond godlike, that's it! Maybe subconsciously become hopeless already...;p

I dare not think nor say how successful I'm going to be in life, but I'm certain I don't want to be a sampah masyarakat... (tak bleh guna punya budak).Hee,he.... :P
I'm sure no one wants too...

Okay,this is enough….I shall stop,I shall stop,I shall STOP!!!!Looks like I’m better at blogging when it comes to explaining tough times.Whatever…,I think I’ll have more to write after exam.
So,

=)

What do you think?????

I was just roaming Youtube for some purpose and wanted to share with you something really interesting I came across. Have you ever wondered what were you doing in your mum's belly before stepping into this world???This might not be new for biology students though...we've been enough educated about this.....For those who haven't seen the life in womb before...here's the clip I posted for you....
***Remember to turn on your sound system and pause my ipod before starting to play.Also,let the other video clips to buffer while watching the first one to avoid being annoyed.

And this one is one of the best educational video in my opinion.Quite heart wrenching....therefore,VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
Think as you watch....



Now,this one again may stir a bit of your emotion....it's a diary of an unborn...,A silent scream of a foetus...

Alright,it's over.
It's okay to shed tears once in a while...IT CLEANS YOUR EYES! ;P
My purpose of this post ain't to entertain you....not really to promote awareness as well..(I should have participated in a campaign for that) =)

It just made me wonder....
Would you agree if I say..... 'Abortion' is just all because of misspent youth and sheer stupidity of people..??? (aborting for the purpose of mother's health /serious disability of foetus are exceptional)
Anyway,the final one is a little funny ,yet to think also...enjoy!!!

=)

Feeling sick....

This is the 3rd time that I logged in after logging out twice. Yes or no, yes or no to blog. I don't know how to describe about my feelings now, it's a mixture of everything. I very much want to blog to loosen myself but of cause there are somethings I just can't explain. If only I knew, I wouldn't be feeling like this at all.
Well I'm sick. I have a cold which is a pain on its own….and trial exam is going on.First day of the exam ,I screwed up everything….I was shivering for no reason at all,and it spoilt my exam spirit…All I had in my mind during Paper 1 (PA) was just to finish up all the questions and rest;and I did.Biology was yet another disaster.Today,I’m terribly sick…could’nt speak,could’nt sleep…and eat.I can’t even focus and study for my Chemistry exam tomorrow ,followed by Maths and Bio (P1)…throughout the week. Looks like I’m going to disappoint my teachers,mum n myself again……
I know falling sick is not an excuse for my failure…..I would’nt have done much better although I’m perfectly alright,isn’t??? ;p
Anyway,all the best to Sandra,to have at least a word or two to be written on the Chemistry paper tomorrow……=)
(sigh)

Happy Independence Day!!!!

A recent survey by Merdeka Center showed that 76 per cent were aware of the 1 Malaysia concept but 39 per cent did not know what it meant; 23 per cent believed that it meant unity among races; 18 per cent felt it signalled fairness and equality among the races and 6 per cent thought it sketched a Malaysia with no differentiation of races.
For other Malaysians polled, 1 Malaysia was a political gimmick, a plural society, etc.The concept has invited so many interpretations.
I think, I belong to the 39 per cent group of Malaysians..... can't help but to wonder ....what does 1 MALAYSIA really mean afterall.

Anyhow,I'm on the safe side because I neither agree or disagree. Who cares where I belong to anyway??? ;p

Unfortunately,some are really getting themselves into problem.So,this is what they say.............

OOpppsss.............Sorry people,its just something I did'nt want you all to miss.I found this in some one's else blog,quite interesting though...he,he and the creator is soon going to be arrested under ISA!!! ;p

Anyway,Happy Independence Day to all Malaysians!!!!

Just A Moment Before I Sleep....

*yawnS*

Actually I'm feeling quite sleepy and blur while typing this. I'd been sleeping quite early these few days though sometimes I find it hard to fall asleep soon as I sometimes need to toss and turn for a couple of hours before embarking on my sea cruise to.. dreamland :)

Just a moment before I sleep, I'd just like to say that... I notice a difference in myself lately. Last time, the second before I fell asleep, I used to think about alot of unnecessary stuff and then I felt very monotonous about the next day.

But recently, I must say that... I had been given alot of opportunities to meet new experiences and they have really widened my perspective towards life. I begin to realise that, happiness is really just a hairflip away.. :)
I’m feeling very free nowadays,though I realised I’m not supposed to be…..there’s plenty to do,so little time left.Yet,the feeling is not about having nothing to do,but it is the innermost peace and freedom.Sometimes,I just feel like soaring above the sky.Sounds weird for a STPM student????Hell,yes.I do not know whether to say this is a good sign or not....but the feeeling is just so awesome.

So,a freedom doesn't necessarily always means a space that only others can grant you.,isn’t???It's up to your level of commitment that how much space you want to give yourself and it's up to your level of comfortability that how much space you allow other people to have influence over you. Don't you think that it's very miserable when we constantly rely our happiness on other people and we get so upset when they don't take the effort to note our feelings or if they don't meet our expectations? I believe we can create a vibe of happiness for ourselves if we know how to treasure and note our merit values in us!

The conclusion would be.. I'm feeling really sleepy now and all that I want to say is, instead of feeling monotonous about the next day, I'm beginning to feel excited about it because I finally know.. where's the direction I am going. What really matters in reality and when to let go somethings that I have to let go. These small pieces of things are what I consider important to start building me up.

Afterall,

Now repeat after me, Happiness . is . JUST ! a hairflip away.... *tWinnKk*

=====================================================

Thought of the day:
~ There is nothing noble to be superior to another person.The true nobility lies in being superior to your previous self.
~She / he that commits a fault,thinks everyone speaks of it.Don’t we have better things to do????

Just for the fun of it..........

I heard people out there saying ‘NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE’……
Who says it is impossible…? I’ve been doing nothing for years……..;p
Infact,sometimes I’m so busy doing nothing that I could’nt do anything else…he,he..


Okay,this one is just for the fun of it….!!! I noticed that I’m so happy at times for no reason at all…Obviously, something is going wrong in me…and Ooooppsss……,there are only a few more days for the trial exam….(sigh).

Rat dissection.......

To whoever it may concern:
So go ahead hating me for everything you never were.And go ahead hating me again for everything you’ll never be.Please blame me like its my fault,and turn it around and please just say I did it.Go ahead.IF IT WILL SHUT YOU UP.
Till then…………………………..
I’m flattered that my page is so entertaining that you…(unknown to me)..,came by twice to see it and finally say it’s a rubbish! Can we say STALKER???Duh!!! Your heavy sarcasm sounds as if you are kidding…..;p

Okay,I’ve got better things to talk about…
So, I guess the best post to describe a little tiny peek of my anger, is this..

BIO OPERATION. ;p
Dissect white rat!! ARR. This biology project was held two weeks before.I were not in the mood to blog at that time though….It was a little saddening to look at those rats getting excited to escape from the cage before being killed, using chloroform.

So sorry Mr Rat, you are going down...
Realising that they were just for the experimenting purpose….we Form 6 were totally excited too……CAN'T HELP MUCH,THOSE RATS WERE BORN TO DIE.
So,this is how our dissection took place……..

Killers of the white mice.

Cut it open ourselves. And it was still alive then..

That’s the rib cage…..

Yeww…..look at how long are their intestines!!!

*Snip snip*

This was definitely posing..................

In the end …,this was all left………………………..pity Mr.Mice!!!

**Gross!!!!
And here comes the future ‘doctors’………………….

Yeshotha…who admitted crying before the dissection…..;p She successfully done with the rat though…..
Kalaivani….(the blurr case)….Also gave me wrong information…..;p
The Great Living Miracle…..Sandra. He,he….
Finally…Vinod…’the cruel one’……..he’s definitely doing something out of the given procedure…

I doubted right…….,he cut the leg of the rat….Oouch…!!!

*We managed to carry out the disection better on the next day however. =)

~THE END~
Okay, forgive me. I'm just furious. ;p