When I eventually discovered ME...=)

      Well, its been quite sometime since i wrote a post on my own...and yea,I know its nothing to be surprised. I have always preferred writing over talking, yet most of the times, writing becomes difficult as well. Not being able to find the exact words to describe your feeling is miserable sometimes...and im like the PRO in it.
 Anyway, this time im here to actually clarify myself for why lately i've been uploading too many quotes and make you wonder why do this person have a blog in the first place....i mean, i started off a blog to brush up my english and then it just went off like that...mission kinda failed...my language still sucks anyway. 

Sometimes , i just sit wondering why things are so hard for me when the exact same thing is much easier for others.(like its not a thing at all..) Why? I get it..i get it that we are all different, but why is it so awkward and weird that survival seem too suffering and overwhelming for me? 

Now that I came to a perfect understanding to why i have been facing life this way and who am i really. Eventually, I have a story to tell. 
Well, im not just a girl like what i used to think...I knew that I was special in a way, but I never really understood why. I used to believe that I dont have a story...I mean, not that would interest anybody. And now I realise, I do have a story...that again, which may not interest anyone who reads this, but I ve got to tell the world...that actually, you are not always the only one. I want "my kinda people" to know that its ok to be who you are. And that you are not just a person.But a real special one.It really makes a difference to know your worth.

Here's the story of mine:

I was brought up by an extrovert mum and elder sister.I have an introverted brother too( only lately I discovered that he struggles living somewhat like me). Its a real relieve to me after getting to know him.=) 
I was always the one to accomplish things ,but somehow also a person who made my family believe that something is not normal with me.I got caught many times before for doing self talking, being reserved,anti- social, staying up all night for no apparent reason, sleep walking, highly sensitive and being harsh and rude upon even a slight critism. Life was really rough to me, mainly because I was looked at weirdly. Feeling misunderstood gave me a constant struggle that I didn't know how to put an end to. I often got misjudged that im in depression, when in reality , im just a very contented and blessed kid.Yes, I do cry for little things, but i didnt understand  at those times ,why others dont. For all those things i love to do, I have people thinking that im not so normal. Not to forget, i am also labelled as a tortoise for my slow reaction to things and also getting things done in my own pace.. Often, I understand that my family would not simply want to put be down. They are just worried and concerned with the weird things that I do and they care because they love me.  They really do, I feel it, yet sometimes it all just becomes a mess when I do not know how to explain myself to bring them some comfort.Who to blame? I dont know. My loved ones are definitely not the ones to be blamed, that I knew. It was just ME, MYSELF & I.

I grew up thinking something is really wrong with me, for the majority of them look at me differently. And how sad could it be, that actually, I believed them.

I am now 26, a gonna-be- pharmacists,and not until recently i found out that this things i list above arent really something very abnormal. It's just the INFP-INFJ thing, except for the sleepwalking, i have no idea why it happens to me. That too probably because im a heavy thinker.If your not aware of what is this alphabets about...,well, its the personality types according to Carl jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist who founded analytical psychology.According to his research, they are 16 personality types in the entire 

population, and among them only 1% are INFJs and 4% of INFP personality type.

As i randomly took the personality test one day, i discoved that I fall in between these two personalities. And for the first time of my life that I knew what it feels like to be understood by someone.=) ( If you're reading, you probably should try the test too)

Despite knowing all these pscychologies, I still find it hard to explain to my family that im just fine and there is nothing to worry about me. Being myself isnt very depressing afterall, i have always been proud of myself, but having to put up with their critisms and underestimation sometimes is too exhausting . Especially, when they are the extraverts.But, what have I learnt????

It's okay to be to me. I don't need to force myself to fit into something. I can be as 

social as I need to be or retreat when I feel the moment is right. And I don't need to 

apologize for it either.And,if I have to fake it for the sake of my loved ones or my 

career, I will. But this time, I will do it confidently and with the consolation that 

somehow at the end of each day, i can be the real ME.~ Its all about SOLITUDE~

Last but not least, im gonna flood my blog with lots and lots of quote that I can relate to and never before talked about it to anybody who can really understand what it is to be an INFP-INFJ (INTROVERT). Its a known fact that im never going to be good enough in expressing and since nowadays I feel like everything doesnt need to be talked about, I will hereafter just post it in here for me alone to know. I have never felt like having to share my emotions to anybody, but today, if you're already reading this...you must be one heaven of a special person to me. And I LOVE YOU DEARLY. 

14 THINGS INTROVERTS STILL WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD

---

If you ever needed an excuse to stay home and do nothing, today you have it. Today is World Introvert Day (Jan. 2), and this “holiday” is all about relaxing and recovering from the exhausting social activities of the previous month.

Although not an official holiday, World Introvert Day has been enthusiastically celebrated by introverts since 2011. It began when psychologist Felicitas Heynewrote this post calling for a day to raise awareness about introversion, because introverts tend to feel marginalized and overlooked in a society that seems geared for extroverts.

Introversion has gotten a lot of positive attention lately, but many introverts still feel misunderstood. Here are 14 things we still wish people understood about us:

1. Just because we’re not talking doesn’t mean we’re upset or depressed. Introverts tend to be thinkers rather than talkers. We don’t enjoy making small talk and we prefer to speak only when we really have something to say. If we go quiet on you, don’t take it personally.

2. We like people. Many of us have active social lives. When we’re in our element — and with people we know well — we may even be mistaken for extroverts. However, we get mentally drained (and sometimes even physically tired) from socializing, whereas extroverts feel energized by it. After hanging out, we need a few hours (or days) of downtime to recover.

3. Sometimes we need to separate ourselves from others. We could spend hours (or days) alone and not get bored, because being alone means we get to do what introverts do best — tune in to our inner world. Finally we can relax and do things our way. We’re under no obligation to others and we can stop worrying about what they think and if they’re judging us. Alone time lets us concentrate on our projects and solo hobbies (like reading, writing, art, home improvement, gaming, etc.) without interruptions. We can hear our own inner voice and pay attention to our own feelings — not someone else’s. Being alone is freedom.

4. It’s easier to write our thoughts than explain them out loud.Writing allows us to edit our words and express exactly what we mean, whereas coming up with the right words on the spot in a conversation can be hard. Think texting instead of a phone call, and journaling instead of explaining. There’s a scientific explanation for this: introverts rely more on long-term memory than short-term memory (whereas extroverts use short-term memory more), and it takes longer to retrieve the specific words we want from long-term memory. If we “umm” and “ahh” and pause between our words, don’t let this diminish what we say.

5. We’d rather have a few close relationships than a lot of shallow ones. It’s about quality over quantity. If we’re going to invest in a relationship, we want it to be good, because we have limited “social” energy.

6. We might be awkward at making small talk. Talking about the weather or our weekend plans doesn’t interest us, so we avoid small talk whenever possible (although savvy introverts recognize the utility of small talk and know they can use it as a gateway to more interesting conversation). We’d rather talk about ideas or deeper topics: what’s something you’ve learned lately? What are your hopes, dreams, and fears?

7. It makes us feel self-conscious when you point out how quiet we are. We already know we’re quiet, so you bringing it up is just another painful reminder of how we’ve tried our whole lives and often failed to be more social and fit in. Rather than telling us we’re quiet, ask us questions to draw us out. Introverts crave connections with others but we may need help starting conversations. Above all, accept our reserved nature as part of who we are.

8. We work best alone. Forget group projects. We’d rather work on our own in a quiet environment with few interruptions. Interestingly, research suggeststhat whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, simply being around another person sucks up a certain amount of the brain’s attention, making some tasks harder. To introverts, this comes as no surprise.

9. It takes us a while to feel comfortable around new people. We’ve been accused of being aloof or snobbish when meeting new people but this couldn’t be further from the truth. We simply open up slowly. When we’re comfortable with you, our real personality comes out.

10. Parties and other social events can be sensory overload. The noise and activity level can be too much, especially for highly sensitive introverts, who are more easily stressed out by busy environments and intense stimuli. For shy or socially anxious introverts, just meeting new people and making small talk can be nerve-wracking. If we skip the party or leave early, don’t take it personally.

11. Too much attention overwhelms us. Even positive attention — like when our friends sing happy birthday to us in a crowded restaurant — can be too much. We’ll put on a brave face, but inside we might be cringing.

12. We dislike talking about ourselves. We tend to be private. We don’t like sharing personal details with other people until we trust them. We’ll talk about ourselves if we have to, but we might be uncomfortable while doing it.

13. We think. A lot. We have rich inner worlds and vivid imaginations, which fuel our creativity, passion, and ability to solve problems in unique ways: think J. K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Rosa Parks, and Mahatma Gandhi, all famous introverts. The downside is, we may get stuck in our heads, overanalyzing and replaying events (both positive and negative) over and over in our minds.

14. We express our feelings sparingly. We may not gush with flowery words of love, and many introverts feel embarrassed by public displays of affection. We’d rather show that we care through our actions. Know that if you’re in our life, you matter to us. We don’t let just anyone in.

"You are terrifying and strange and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love." –Warsan Shire 

I’ve discovered that the biggest difference between introverts and extroverts is:  introverts accept extroverts as they are & don’t try to encourage them to act like introverts, and most introverts know that everyone is born being either an introvert or extrovert; extroverts believe there is something wrong with being an introvert, believe that introverts can change who they are & become extroverts, and therefore try to encourage introverts to be more like extroverts.  
To make this even more laughable, studies show that extroverts are the Minority of the population, coming in at only about 35%!  So, if we believe in “majority rule”, then guess who should do the changing?!….If they only could…

Accepting Yourself as an Introvert and Loving Your Inner Tortoise

By Ritu Kaushal

“We can’t underestimate the value of silence. We need to create ourselves, need to spend time alone. If you don’t, you risk not knowing yourself and not realizing your dreams.” ~Jewel

Tortoises are out of fashion. They are no longer the wise ones, taking one patient step after another, coming out victorious in the end. Today, they are the ones who can’t cross the road fast enough, the ones most likely to get hit by a car.

There is shame involved in being a tortoise.

And so I have spent a considerable chunk of my life trying to turn into an extroverted hare, coming up with rationalizations for why I am not, most definitely not, an introverted tortoise.

For one, I don’t move slowly. In fact, I love to dance. I am quick in perceiving and understanding what people say and mean. I am not slow-witted.

But these explanations don’t quite cover what it means to be a tortoise—how their rhythms are slow and deep, how they enjoy taking in the scenery instead of rushing past, how they need the shell that protects their most vulnerable, precious self.

As introverts, today, it’s easy for us to get alienated from our own nature because of the extrovert bias in the culture at large. So, how do we reconnect with and start celebrating ourselves? It starts with self-awareness and living our own truths.

The Way We Manage Energy

As opposed to extroverts who turn to other people to recharge and renew themselves, too much interaction saps our energy. Introverts turn inward and need quiet spaces to recharge. This is why we turn to nature, to prayer, to solitary hobbies.

We already know this from our own experience. What we often struggle with is the validity of this preference for time alone. I’ve wrestled with this too, thinking that there is something wrong with me if I am not excited about going to a party or socializing at the end of a hectic day.

It’s only recently that I’ve begun to let go of this internal dialogue. By going deeper into my own creativity—writing more, doing photography—I’ve realized that what I am actually lonely for is a connection with myself. When I’m taking a photograph, for example, I feel present and whole.

Engaging in activities that make us happy helps us focus on all that is right with us, instead of wondering whether we are faulty. 

As introverts, we need to start giving ourselves permission to go deeper into our own nature. If building legos, reading books, or watching birds gives us joy, that’s what we should be doing instead of going along with what other people think is fun.

It might be fun for them, but is it fun for us?

Another thing that I’ve learned is that although I need time alone, not all interactions affect my energy in the same way. While many social interactions leave me feeling depleted, there are some that have the opposite effect.  In her wonderful book, The Introvert’s Way, Sophia Dembling discusses this with Cognitive scientist Jennifer Grimes.

Grimes says that the real issue is not how much energy we put in a situation, but whether we get an adequate return on this energy investment.

She says, “There are people who like to invest a lot of energy and get a lot back. Some people don’t want to invest a lot and don’t expect a lot back. The people who are deemed the extroverts in pop literature, the people who are social butterflies, what they get back on an interpersonal level is sufficient for them.”

As introverts, we need to be aware of this. While small talk is draining for us, meaningful conversations are energizing. They require us to expend energy, but they also give us energy back.

Haven’t we all talked for hours about something we are passionate about, and been at a loss about what to say when we are talking politely with an acquaintance?

The Rhythms of Social Conversation

As an introvert, social conversations can be a challenge for me. I didn’t realize earlier that one of the reasons for this is the difference in the rhythms of how introverts and extroverts communicate.

When we are asked a question, introverts usually pause to think about it before replying. We need this space to formulate our answers. This is different from extroverts, who formulate their answers while talking.

Because of this difference, when we are silent, extroverts can perceive this as meaning that we have nothing to say and rush in with their own thoughts. And while they are talking, we can’t think. This dynamic renders introverts mute.

For me, understanding this has been extremely important. Instead of getting frustrated that I didn’t get a chance to speak, I’ve started responding differently. By showing the other person that I am still thinking by providing visual cues (like furrowing my brows), I hold my ground better in a conversation.

I’ve also started letting myself interrupt the other person. And in the case of those people who are extreme talkers, I’ve understood that it’s okay to disengage and simply walk away. By doing these things, I’ve created more space and freedom in my interactions.

While understanding this basic difference between extroverts and introverts is important, we also need to be aware of the mistakes we can inadvertently make in social situations. One of these is being too quiet in a new group setting. Introverts don’t realize that it is the silent person in the group who gains more and more power as the conversation goes on.

Elaine Aron talks about this dynamic in her wonderful book The Highly Sensitive Person. She says that if we remain silent in a new group, other people can be left wondering if we are judging them, unhappy about being part of the group, or even thinking of leaving the group. As a defence mechanism, the group might reject us before we have a chance to reject them.

So, in a new group, it becomes extremely important for introverts to communicate what they are thinking, even if it is just to say that we are happy to listen and will speak up when we have something to say.

The Focus on all That’s Right with Us

As introverts, most of us have heard messages about all the things that are wrong with us. We are too intense, too solitary, not fun enough. We may not have asked our own questions back.

What’s wrong with thinking deeply? What’s wrong with solitude? What’s wrong with enjoying one-on-one conversations instead of a big party? And fun according to whom?

Once we give ourselves permission to ask these questions, we can also start seeing our own strengths more clearly. What the culture considers an aberration is what makes the best part of us.

Thinking deeply gives us new insights. It helps us see new relationships between things. The solitude that we love is also the spring-board for our creativity. It gives us the chance to imagine and re-imagine our world.

Aren’t these all amazing things?

As introverts, connecting with our essence is what will help us actualize our talents. Not acting like an extrovert. I am sure it’s great to be a hare, but not if you are a tortoise.

I forgive you!!!

To you,

I don't know what makes you feel so uncomfortable about me sometimes,that all you want to do is to treat me like crap! See, when I do things, I do it from the bottom of my heart...there is noway I would want to waste my precious time, taking so much effort to make a birthday cake , merely to get good names. And ,what??? Good name? What kind of good name could I have earned that had brought you humiliation???? I don't quite get it for a long time...I dont wanna define that, but hey..that sounds like you are jealous of something ...and for that, SHAME ON YOU.

Coz,..you are supposed to be freaking proud of me..I grew up seeing you, and that had never once occurred to me as something to be ashamed of. I have always been proud to have followed your steps. ..and there you go...pooof! disclosing your filthy thoughts. And for once you can't appreciate the amount of effort I took to make you happy on your birthday...That's very....hmm...I dunno.

 If you would ever want to listen to me..., I..,had always a fantasy about my big sister.., and you have failed on every occasion to live up to that fantasy. Yes, It breaks my heart most of the time, but I still love you..., whether you are capable of letting me or not. Because as much as you have treated me like crap, I too have felt what it is like to have a second mother .When I hold your feet close to me, I could hear my own heart beat. 

So, Im forgiving you.

I,FORGIVE YOU. Big Sister!(looking away)

Things to understand about an "old Soul"..=)

1. Simplicity. It’s the simple things in life that capture us. Simple living and simple pleasures in life ground us and make us feel all warm and cozy inside. Extravagant dinners, jewelry, and sparkly gifts may be the key to some people’s hearts but not an old soul. Impressing us is so simple, it’s scary. An intimate conversation on the beach with a candle or a night of camping under the stars is like heaven on earth. Give us experiences and most of all, give us your time.
2. Alone time. Old souls are pretty intense, spiritual people. It’s not a facade or front we put up, but a lifestyle we live to stay connected to ourselves and to our spiritual path. Time to decompress, detach and meditate are crucial to our well being. So if we turn down an invite to a bar once in awhile, don’t take it personal. Instead, understand our need to be with ourselves because there is probably a reason we are needing some alone time.
3. Dreamer. As most people only dream when they sleep, we dream constantly. Daydream that is. Sometimes we need a partner to snap us back into reality, but also one who understands our dreaming is what excites us, dreaming inspires us.
4. Romantics. –ahh, sigh– We love romance and everything that comes with it. Sometimes, expecting a little too much from people trying to win our affections. This can cause some let downs and learning experiences for both partners. Old souls need someone that can pull them out from the clouds when needed and bring them back to a beautiful reality.
5. Comfort. I’ve always felt like the “grandma” of my friend group. Throwing on a big comfy sweater, staying in to cook dinner, and snuggling up while someone reads to me would be like, so amazing. Going out is good here and there, but know for us, being comfy with our significant other takes the cake.
6. Free bird. We want freedom. Freedom to chase whatever is worth chasing to us. Nothing holding us back or stopping us from pursuing our dreams and desires. Rather, someone who encourages us to chase and to succeed. Aside from longing for a stable and simple life, we want room to grow and follow whatever path our spirit is leading us on.
7. An unusual approach to life. Not really conforming to the expected way of living, we view the world and our lives as a blank book and we want to write it. I definitely have very philosophical views and it deeply effects all of my relationships. Being with someone who likes that about us is key!
8. Not-so material world.  Possessions and money are nice, but it is not number one for us. Intellectual conversations and meaningful experiences is what takes our breath away…
9. Intuition. You may hear this a lot from an old soul, “I don’t know, I just have this feeling.” Following our hearts more than our minds makes us a bit more in touch with our intuitive side. You can either go with the flow or turn and run, intuitive people can be a bit intimidating. It can be very daunting to some, to have an intuitive partner…especially if the significant other is trying to be sly. Good luck!
10. We’ve got dreams, big dreams. Idealistic dreams of painting the world like our very own canvas. Ending world hunger or starting a business that benefits people in some positive way is not far from an old souls list of lofty ideas. Helping mankind is on our dreamy To Do List!

I’m sure a lot of you out there can relate to some of these traits or have come across an old soul yourself. Maybe you’re realizing you are one…what qualities do you have that make you or your partner an Old Soul?

What real love looks like to me..

The truth can be simultaneously essential to one's life and nearly fatal. Knowingly accepting a lie and abandoning the search for the truth is a constant temptation but doing so sucks the passion right out of everything one does.

When our inner thoughts seem like being copyrighted...lol =D

No joke

I have a sleeping disorder which I cant explain nor resist. And that,..is NOT FUNNY. Not to blame you all, but seldom do we see the battle that is within another person. =) 

Sometimes, the least kind of a favour you can do for your parents , is to just take good care of yourself...You owe them nothing, but your life.

Tattoo - Jordin Sparks ( with lyrics )

Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You - Lyrics

When lyrics becomes personal....

You dont need bigger boobs. You need to read better books.=)

Wishing to see, but not be seen.

Forever grateful..

 Have you ever met someone who comes from nowhere to rescue you everytime...?..When it feels like he's the God's messenger..., comes with the right message at the right time? This man below....,is one of a kind...he's not just a lecturer, he's just beyond that...friendly,brotherly,fatherly...what more can I list. He has it all. He's the MAN.
And I can't never thank him enough.
You are one beautiful soul Sir. You must be a gift to the world.
The world needs more people like you.
=)