When I eventually discovered ME...=)

      Well, its been quite sometime since i wrote a post on my own...and yea,I know its nothing to be surprised. I have always preferred writing over talking, yet most of the times, writing becomes difficult as well. Not being able to find the exact words to describe your feeling is miserable sometimes...and im like the PRO in it.
 Anyway, this time im here to actually clarify myself for why lately i've been uploading too many quotes and make you wonder why do this person have a blog in the first place....i mean, i started off a blog to brush up my english and then it just went off like that...mission kinda failed...my language still sucks anyway. 

Sometimes , i just sit wondering why things are so hard for me when the exact same thing is much easier for others.(like its not a thing at all..) Why? I get it..i get it that we are all different, but why is it so awkward and weird that survival seem too suffering and overwhelming for me? 

Now that I came to a perfect understanding to why i have been facing life this way and who am i really. Eventually, I have a story to tell. 
Well, im not just a girl like what i used to think...I knew that I was special in a way, but I never really understood why. I used to believe that I dont have a story...I mean, not that would interest anybody. And now I realise, I do have a story...that again, which may not interest anyone who reads this, but I ve got to tell the world...that actually, you are not always the only one. I want "my kinda people" to know that its ok to be who you are. And that you are not just a person.But a real special one.It really makes a difference to know your worth.

Here's the story of mine:

I was brought up by an extrovert mum and elder sister.I have an introverted brother too( only lately I discovered that he struggles living somewhat like me). Its a real relieve to me after getting to know him.=) 
I was always the one to accomplish things ,but somehow also a person who made my family believe that something is not normal with me.I got caught many times before for doing self talking, being reserved,anti- social, staying up all night for no apparent reason, sleep walking, highly sensitive and being harsh and rude upon even a slight critism. Life was really rough to me, mainly because I was looked at weirdly. Feeling misunderstood gave me a constant struggle that I didn't know how to put an end to. I often got misjudged that im in depression, when in reality , im just a very contented and blessed kid.Yes, I do cry for little things, but i didnt understand  at those times ,why others dont. For all those things i love to do, I have people thinking that im not so normal. Not to forget, i am also labelled as a tortoise for my slow reaction to things and also getting things done in my own pace.. Often, I understand that my family would not simply want to put be down. They are just worried and concerned with the weird things that I do and they care because they love me.  They really do, I feel it, yet sometimes it all just becomes a mess when I do not know how to explain myself to bring them some comfort.Who to blame? I dont know. My loved ones are definitely not the ones to be blamed, that I knew. It was just ME, MYSELF & I.

I grew up thinking something is really wrong with me, for the majority of them look at me differently. And how sad could it be, that actually, I believed them.

I am now 26, a gonna-be- pharmacists,and not until recently i found out that this things i list above arent really something very abnormal. It's just the INFP-INFJ thing, except for the sleepwalking, i have no idea why it happens to me. That too probably because im a heavy thinker.If your not aware of what is this alphabets about...,well, its the personality types according to Carl jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist who founded analytical psychology.According to his research, they are 16 personality types in the entire 

population, and among them only 1% are INFJs and 4% of INFP personality type.

As i randomly took the personality test one day, i discoved that I fall in between these two personalities. And for the first time of my life that I knew what it feels like to be understood by someone.=) ( If you're reading, you probably should try the test too)

Despite knowing all these pscychologies, I still find it hard to explain to my family that im just fine and there is nothing to worry about me. Being myself isnt very depressing afterall, i have always been proud of myself, but having to put up with their critisms and underestimation sometimes is too exhausting . Especially, when they are the extraverts.But, what have I learnt????

It's okay to be to me. I don't need to force myself to fit into something. I can be as 

social as I need to be or retreat when I feel the moment is right. And I don't need to 

apologize for it either.And,if I have to fake it for the sake of my loved ones or my 

career, I will. But this time, I will do it confidently and with the consolation that 

somehow at the end of each day, i can be the real ME.~ Its all about SOLITUDE~

Last but not least, im gonna flood my blog with lots and lots of quote that I can relate to and never before talked about it to anybody who can really understand what it is to be an INFP-INFJ (INTROVERT). Its a known fact that im never going to be good enough in expressing and since nowadays I feel like everything doesnt need to be talked about, I will hereafter just post it in here for me alone to know. I have never felt like having to share my emotions to anybody, but today, if you're already reading this...you must be one heaven of a special person to me. And I LOVE YOU DEARLY.