Let go. Don't drag. Expectations hurt. Priorities change. Words are fake. Feelings don't matter. People change.Feelings change. =)

Don't start with me...

So,you are thinking that I'm stupid enough to be the one to tolerate with you,isn't it? You might think it's fun,trust me,it's not.Perhaps,it's annoying.And just because I'm keeping quiet,doesn't mean I've got nothing to say.Well,to me...,the greatest victories you can gain over someone annoying is to beat her/him at politeness.Therefore,prepare to cover before my irony and sarcasm hits you. =)

do you see that??? =)

~Leaving my mark behind.

OMG...it's already a month plus and I almost forgot to post this video over here in my blog...so,here it is..memories of mine. =)

BEAUTIFUL ISN'T IT?HE,HE...=)

Are u expecting me 2 tolerate with tis kinda rubbish???I thought I made it clear at the very beginning itself...did'nt I?????

Just left....RIP~

I don't know whether to say it hurts a lot to lose you or not,but it's better to leave than to suffer....a best friend of mum you are...,and this reminds me so much of my bestie...who never ever had turned her back on me or told me that I was'nt good enough or let me down.All I hope is that she knows I'm always here.To listen to her laugh and cry and help in all the ways I can.....and I'll try to be atleast half the friend she is to me...
I could tell her the truth today,and not because I was keeping something from her,but because the truth is that,she is so beautiful,so loving,and such a perfect friend,and I felt shy expressing that to her.I am not always good with words.But I think, THAT, she should know.Coz she used to ask me if I do have emotions...Lol ;p
Well,our friendship is some how different from others.....,I don't now in what way it is different...,but we were never like other best friends....we don't really hang on phone,nor text each other as often as best friends do,we don't really share everything between us,seldom meet up,seldom chat,seldom express,had very few things in common,.......But it never mattered after all...,or perhaps that what they call as 'special touch' in the hearts of best friends.
On top of everything,if you press me to say why I loved her and why this friendship means much to me,I can say no more than 'she is still she,and I am still me',despite we are BEST FRIENDS~ =)

Thanks to you Aunty, for you had reminded me that I should let her know everything she deserves to know.I may know what I'm waiting for today to happen.Who knows what is waiting for me tomorrow...????.....
You'll be forever in our hearts~may you RIP~

A new environment,new friends,fresh new year,a second home,a new life.......a strange feeling again,away from home,away from family,surrounded by people with different characters.....and I'm still out of the norm.OMG,safe me... Lol ;p
 p/s: thanks to MUCH for offering me the 100% scholarship,but it's scary to think of the days I've got to go through and the challenges I've got to meet. ~haiz~

You got to stop it my friend...,,I don't like the feeling of being watched. ~WARNING WITH SOME RESPECT & PEACE ~

Having experienced quite a bit,I can now state that raising children is a part of joy,and another part of a guerilla warfare...;p Gosh! I still can't digest the fact that I'm no longer gonna see my kids...truly,Im already missing these 'little people' who stepped into my life..
and screw 'Windows live movie maker' for making my efforts go waste....

Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend...isn't it? =)

the most comforting quote for today: 

“When any anxiety or gloom of the mind takes hold of you, make it a rule not to publish it by complaining; but exert yourselves to hide it, and by endeavoring to hide it you drive it away.”

~how true....pheew =).

I know I'm supposed to be moving on, but why do I find myself playing the same track over and over again?? 

Isn't a good feeling..

We judge ourselves by what we are capable of doing,while others judge us by what we have already done.REALITY.Worst game ever.

“People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.”

I don’t know how much this means to everyone else out there,but I do believe in it.Infact,this is all I believe in. Well,certain truth hurts…but can’t help it…,blame the situation or perhaps my own nature. I let silence to rule me…,all 2 do with anxiety and self worth.I move on.I don’t forget.Trust me, I never did.

UPU...

Results of Universities Admission was out last Friday and it was ‘ amat mendukacitakan!’.

   like I never knew earlier....,he,he

I'm not sure if I have to feel happy or sad about this... my passion lies somewhere else. And maybe I should feel happy that now I can pursue what I like ..=)

Where do we go from here?

Today,in fact for past few days I had been listening to these songs…’My Immortal’ and ‘You are not alone’ over and over again…there are times when I think  too much that my buried emotional baggage gets overloaded. It went out from one person to another,and then to all those who have left us behind and our Earth…one by one . And perhaps I was in a soppy, sentimental world, but I caught myself thinking, where do we go from here???

I mean, it's all a leap of faith, isn't it? It's not like we have tangible proof that we step in one world into another, another plane of existence. I'd like to think that after we close this chapter of life, after we exhale the very last molecules of CO², we don't simply cease to exist. That we do move into a different existence, but yet are aware of the happenings in the world.  And that this ‘invisible detective’ is still around, looking down at us.

I'd like to think that at the end of the road, I’ll get to see my loved ones and all my old friends back again.

Deep down, I do believe in it.

I really do.

I do hope I'm right. =)

1/6/2010~Another loss~a friend of another~Prakash Appu~may his soul RIP~.

Another boring day.....

Lately I've been wondering if I am judgmental/have a short temper or if the things and people in my environment are truly that annoying. I grew up to be calm and patient, however being around dramatic people  in my working place has caused me to become a bit temperamental. Ok so,whatever…I’m feeling kinda of monotonous again and feels dreaded to work.

Well, I was looking around for jobs everywhere and being accepted and god knows why I finally ended up being here in a ridiculous place.I did’nt want to make the mistake of being too selective.It’s not quite the job I wanted,but it was all I got at that moment and  I grabbed it.And now,they are not letting me go even if I want to. Made some drastic decisions to just  escape from this place,but they ended up fulfilling all my demand just to keep me there…everything turned to be better.but not human characters.I know I should’nt be expecting for comfortablity in the real world out here,but I think it was their underestimation on me in the very beginning which started all of these demands.

It was then one fine day, it tipped my level of tolerance by one degree and there  go - a big blast of the real me! LOl XD

''I don't think I shall tolerate with this kinda rubbish! ''

I was surprised then how it worked…,they promised me an allowance of RM200..That was nothing more than what I rightfully deserve for the amount of workload and working hours...but it’s enough…looks like God wants me to be here in this annoying place for some reason. I shall think it’s a gift and learn to accept it gratefully. Anyhow,I think I’m in need of this book now…

weekends....

I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday!!! And to be really honest, no doubt how bad I feel or rather how harsh has my day been... but when I think of my warm family and a bunch of really good buddies I have with me, all these don't matter after all. I live for those who mean dearly to me and not a walking shadow of RM800…. .oh,no…correction…RM 1000. =) 

=) =) =)

Little things that counts....

Hi friends , all those who are reading this ............

When I got my first comment from a complete stranger I was head over heels in happiness .....
Then I got another one .........from a person whose name too I dont know ........what matters is he left the comment there just to make me feel good .......that is something .
He could have just read it and left it at that but he felt the comment made me happy and put one there .....thank you.
It is acts like these that make a difference .
Small things , incidents , insignificant but they leave a mark of goodness and goodwill and it's inspiring and flattering at the same time ..... Thanks again friends.=)

I decide whom I want to be.....

CAUTION: Highly boring content and may  laced with slight sarcasms. One may have symptomps of allergic,lethargy, blood pressure,, continous vomiting and headache……don’t tell me I did not warn you………….apa-apa jadi,tanggung sendiri. ;p

Today has been a good day, so naturally I feel the urge to write and blog. I wont write about my day, but this is something that I've been wanting to write about for some time.About me,myself and I…
I'm such a strange mix of different stereotypes, and I've probably showed all my different sides to all different people and have probably confused everyone, which would make them think I'm weird. Some days I'm bubbly, some days I look like a rampage is 2 seconds away. Some days I'm on top of it and some days are just bad, and not a single person in that place knows me well enough to know what's legit, and what's just a mood.
This really bothers me.But it does’nt matter afterall coz I know nobody can truly understand anybody.
There was a time when I always assume people think exactly the same way that I do. I blindly made conclusions thinking that those around me behave like me. I was under the impression that people can read my mind.
Yes, obviously over the time, I realised how dumb I was.

People DO NOT think like me.
People DO NOT behave like me.
People ARE NOT me.

I don't know if that is what we call bitter reality, but it is the reality nevertheless. What I have learned now? There are differing opinions around me. Differing opinions here do not mean only with regards to my opinion, but also to myself. Yes, they might be your friends, colleagues, relatives, acquaintances, classmates, labmates, gymmates bla bla bla.. but they might not like everything about you. Maybe to a certain extend, they might feel comfortable with you. Yet, that should not be interpreted as a complete acceptance of us. It's not wrong.. just not entirely safe :-)
When I say it is not entirely safe, I didn't mean you should not trust every single person around you. I also didn't mean they are going to attack you at the very next second. But you might get hurt once you find out certain truths. And in that way, it is certainly not safe.

You may over come any nature’s disaster but the real cyclone is your THOUGHTS ITSELF.Sometimes not everyone can agree with your perceptions and it makes your situation worst as people misjudge you. Not all can see what you see through your eyes, as different intellectual level, or personal experience might relate to perceptions. Just because someone thinks differently than you are, do not label them as ego because we are all different individuals. It doesn’t mean one becomes superior than another by expressing different thoughts but there are valid reasons why things are in such way or the influence behind the pattern of thoughts…………Another lesson i learnt up to this moment of life is to just keep my mouth shut as some of my thought might harm friendship, simply because we humans are different in our experiences and upbringing which mould our ideologies……………………..FORGET & FORGIVE! I love you my friends.

I'm only turning 20 in August and probably still have long way ahead. I still have lot more things to see, people to meet and part. But I know, my personal space is mine and mine alone. I don't think I am prepared to let anyone invade it. Meaning which.. if you think you are close to me and know everything about me, then probably you know nothing.

It's not that I want to be mysterious. In fact, most of my friends will think I am pretty open when it comes to sharing, but I choose what to be shared and with whom. I choose whom I wanna be. If you think I'm arrogant. Then, that is because I choose to behave like that to YOU. If you think I'm a sister, that is also because I choose to be one to YOU. If u think Im a good friend..yeah,again because I choose to be one to you.Yes, I decide whom I wanna be to you. So, next time if you find yourself saying .. 'Sandra is such a ***** !!", it will be because that is what YOU deserve to get. =)

I’m not someone who is as lovely  as I appear to be,I know I’m not.I hit people at face,not at their back.But I will proudly say that I’m very caring. I know self praising is no praising and IT'S NO GOOD but soleela......;p

I cared a lot for people. Some deserved such care. Some.. not at all.

Along the way,you may have labelled me as someone being boastful or narcissistic.It’s not my narcissism,it’s just my own term of living which you’ll never fully understand.I’m not born an adult.I I know I’m too proud at times and yes I’m proud of myself.Ha,Ha,Ha....;D in some ways…not like what you are thinking,but heaven,it’s good enough that I know myself.

In the end of the day, I am the one who should be calling the shot. This is a life gifted to me by them and it is not meant to please others alone. As mean as it may sound, I decide whom I wanna be. =)

*I AM A RETARDED KID AND HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITY, SO DO NOT GET CONFUSED AFTER READING ALL THIS……LOl XD

Disaster....

By the way,this was my STPM result...................

***Drum rolls....***  Cheers ....***Claps...***

LOl  ;p

 Obviously,I screwed my story...I already had all the regrets and lessons learnt before I sat for the exam...so,there very little point in regreting now.As I mentioned earlier in one of my post,I know..,no matter how many times I pray..,I'll only get what I rightfully deserve.And that's very true. I know I dissapointed many of you who  thought I would score well based on my past achievements..I'm sorry,I could'nt make it this time.Just give me another chance to make you people proud....

Thousands of thanks for your support and words of encouragement.

It's now over.

 ~pheewww~