embracing pain and heart break

I missed him a lot yesterday. I remembered how I chose to change many things about myself when it comes to him. For him to like me. For him to feel truly loved by me. To feel blessed for having each other. Nothing worked the way we both wanted. It was all a waste. I lose myself for a long time. I thought it was ok to let your shield down for the person you are married to. Just to have everything taken for granted in the end. But thats okay.., maybe it was only meant to be that way. Maybe i wouldnt have left if he didnt hurt me that much. Maybe we were hurting each other so much because separation was the divine intervention. Now that i feel safe loving him from a distance. Now that he dont get to abuse my love in the name of marriage. I still do love him, and i will always love him ..although it no longer make sense. He had all of me. Except he did not feel the same. 💔