That's So Sandy....

Today is the day I feel vulnerable all over again. I dont  know why it didnt feel this bad all this while, knowing  that amma's health is deteriorating. I knew it from the beginning that its her spine which is doing all these mess, but only after MRI today...it got real hard into my nerves ,the fact that amma's is having lumbar spondylosis with multilevel disc herniation. She has annular tears almost at 7 locations along her spine and has large generalised disc bulge with large disc protrusion, impinging the right exiting nerve root......I mean, i knew it..I knew that was the diagnosis...but today, its as if i got hammered on my head to realize that I will need to watch her dying in pain more and more after this.Her condition is not curable, and surgery will just put her in the risk of being paralyse or blind or even death incase of failure. I cant imagine what is waiting to happen ahead of me. Suddenly, I feel shaken to my bones. I can't afford to lose her..I thought I was prepared to this feeling oneday...and when the days have come, ..I feel like i might not survive this..I am not ready to fell this. Not yet.😡😢😢😢