Wishing to see, but not be seen.

Forever grateful..

 Have you ever met someone who comes from nowhere to rescue you everytime...?..When it feels like he's the God's messenger..., comes with the right message at the right time? This man below....,is one of a kind...he's not just a lecturer, he's just beyond that...friendly,brotherly,fatherly...what more can I list. He has it all. He's the MAN.
And I can't never thank him enough.
You are one beautiful soul Sir. You must be a gift to the world.
The world needs more people like you.
=)

In Me.

I love my family and friends,and all those who have been a part of my life, even if only for awhile..., I love them so much...so damn much... Sometimes way too much,...like, you know..,I can eat them all alive (literally speaking).
I just dont know if they all actually know for real, how much I love them. I dont even know if they will ever get to know ...
But guess that does'nt matter. Afterall, Im never gonna say it out loud , This feeling of true love is indeed sacred...I would rather keep it to myself...deep, in me. In a box within,where nobody else can see or invade, but me. Safe and also protected. That way, I would be able to FEEL the emotion when it comes, and LET GO when it fades. Because I believe, love should have its limit. Too much love can sometimes be injuries to health....just as the saying goes,...
"To love at all, is to be vulnerable".

Rain Clouds in the sky, I Don't know why
They make me blue, when I'm thinking of you.
Maybe they want to cry, As I walk on by,
Hiding my tears, in a world of good byes.

Love during summer rain, Causes no pain
Cause I'm looking back, at you once again
Memories crowding my mind, You're one of a kind
Life with out love, I'm helpless I'm dying.

Rain drops and dance, strange kind of romance
I don't know why,whether to cry out loud,
But I'm feeling fine,Watch the rhythm of the 
rain falling down.

Rain falling around, Its just the sound
I like to here, when my hearts feeling down

Try to smile once again, As they slash in my window pain
I quite like that, I don't mind
I've got no complaint.

It's just so hard to be able to do things at the right time.., I am easily distracted by the bed because I have been so tired recently. I wonder why.. old age must be catching up with me. Fuh.

Choose LIFE. =)

There was a thing that i wanted to state over here for a long time...i was hesitating too much and on the other hand, procrastination took control of me. Here I am, atleast now...to say things before its too late.

So, here's the thing....I have been coming across quite a number of deaths this year..,like its so usual already to get a bad news to ruin our days...2014 was a tragic year just not to Malaysians...
We all are put into the needing to grief...and then, the world will just not stop a moment for our grieves.....and finally, when it all hurts too much..,,we get too tired of fighting..we let go..and accept the fact.. and move on...
Sometimes I wonder....could there be any reason at all for why these miseries have to happen? I mean what is the point of some people  having to die even before they start to live?... Kids and babies..and Gosh..
Like...if there could be any answer at all, for why the hell is the universe so screwed up, random and mean...., I really need to know. I think we all deserve an explaination.


Now.., am I here to grief? No.
The world has grieved enough. Nothing changes though. Every new person that walks into your life today, is just another life to lose along the way.. We are left with no option then to keep moving on.






















The thing is...how we react to the loss. We all have been saying this word.."rest in peace" when somebody dies. Yes...it definitely means something ..not to the death, but the descendants. The fact that the death have gone to a better place called heaven ,can bring a little comfort to the broken hearts who are left behind.
 ...but as i was thinking so hard how i want the end of my life to be..,,heaven is not some other place I would want to go to...like, it is not where I go to, heaven is where I came from.
I was created in the belly of an angel , I grew up here with beautiful souls around me , died a little here and there, struggled ,but learned something out of it, appreciated every little details about life and felt so grateful for everything that ever happened to me. It is the world that taught me things and IT IS THIS WORLD that has given me the best of my life. The arms of my loved ones is where I felt heaven.No matter how cruel, screwed up, random and mean the Earth was seen by my own eyes, sometimes....still, Earth could be my only heaven.  I died here. But I also LIVED here.. and not just lived, I certainly lived to the fullest here,even if i were to die tomorrow, I have no regrets at all. Life did me good. With such a contentment to life I was gifted with..,, I dont think they could be a better place than where im standing now.
But because death is of no compromise when it has to occur to somebody, it is the belief system of the descendants that matters after....death is just something that has to happen. But its not the end of everythg..like "game over" kinda stuff..



Death can never do us apart. Its not the "death" that actually kills somebody, it is the belief of the rest of us who are living that really kills a person.  Death may occur to me..., but I do not want to be killed in the mind of my loved ones.The memories alone can keep a person alive. If you believe deeply and truly that Im still living, I really will. The moment you let yourself to believe im dead, and then im just dead. Really DEAD. And then dont put the blame on God..., he was'nt the murderer. You are.XD
I may look like putting up a sheer sentimental piece of drama here...lol..I felt that for myself infact...,but no..,i just wanted to speak my mind clearly and state things while I still can breath.
Someday, one of you might see this and i might have been taken away by then...and you'll know what to do to get me living.

Becoz nowhere ,but THIS, is my HEAVEN.














p/s: I may sound so freaking serious about the above matter,...but guess what??..Not like what you think.This is just an after-effect of me playing "dumb ways to die"...Lol XD



and now I hear you saying IDIOT ..Lol .Make it not sound so loud pls. =)

getting both sweethearts in one picture...=)

Coldplay - Fix You

feeling empowered....

Anybody, ANYBODY can fall in love and be blindly happy about it...,but not everybody can strive to take responsibility and  save a life. I have visioned myself to be not just a successful  pharmacist, but to live a purposeful life. A life that would bring meaning to another. 
I was brought up to be an extraordinary human being. So imagine my mother's disappointment after all this years she has spent her life trying to be an inspiration for us,
if one final day..., she's gonna discover that I am no more than ordinary. 
I shall never allow that to happen. I am no ordinary person.
 NO ORDINARY. Period.

FB updated...And I don't make apologies for having a different opinion.=)

We all are God’s creation. Our body is a temple itself. Then, how could bleeding for a woman be called “impure”, when it’s the blood which forms a life? One awkward thing about religion is that it is so much based on practices, that it would be sinful for anybody to have a different opinion. It is infact, when your hormones are making you feel less confident than usual, like a wreck, so vulnerable that you doubt how you’re going to get through the day..,it is the best time to pray and give one’s spirit a lift. Prayer is a personal relationship with God. It is humans who sometimes do not accept another human. God accepts his children at all time, no matter in what condition they are.

Im clearly of no intention to disrespect anybody’s belief here. Believing in myths is a personal preference. You don’t have the need to agree with me , but my point is that, please do not confuse real FAITH with religion, rituals & practices. They are not the same. 

— feeling positive.

P/S:  If you are someone who restricts another from reaching God,, just because the person is having her menses ..cause of your insensible mentality that she is impure or like the person is committing a sin......

3 words for you......

SHAME ON YOU.

We all have that one story in our lives, that you would know for certain, if you had survived that, you would survive anything. # realtalk  =)

And so I decided to walk away, smiling. At times, pretending nothing has ever given an impact is the best choice to opt, isn't it?  =)

Dear Stress, let's break up...X£

The world is so screwed up that everybody have atleast one problem to deal with....and then, 
there is Me.

And now that im posting this here, you'd know im still alive buddy..=)

*I would like to thank a friend of mine, Mr.Theva, for reminding me that I ONCE HAD a blog and that I was supposed to update something and not abandon like this. =)

And this is like, the biggest "update" I could make for now...Lol.

The worst feeling of all is when I can't feel anything.Its like, I know there got to be some emotions at the moment...,but I just can't feel anything.At all. 
The only thing I feel is like a robot.

You know, there's a benefit when we choose to hear critisms during our worst times...You'll realise nothing or nobody can actually make you feel any worse than that you already are. 
And then...you just would...=)

Could'nt keep it in,heaven knows I tried. =)

   Perfect lines...=)

The logic is that............

The more someone expect from you, the more you want them to learn what really matters.
There's more to happiness in giving, when it is least expected.=) Especially when it is meant to be SPECIAL.

Behind The Scenes: Erebus - Behind The Action

Let Go - A Short Film by Thilah Arumugam (BMW Shorties 2011)

A short film by one of my friend...the one who sat right next to me in classroom..Lol 

Im glad for you Charles...You're a preety good actor now.You've finally achieve what you always wanted...And my best wishes for your upcoming productions....Cheerrs..=)

Forgiving and forgeting requires lots of courage. The point is,we are only willing to take the courage, hoping that the person won't remind you of their mistake again. Ever after. And, not many got this right, especially the ones who make the apologies.=)

Its a sad thing that I have no enough time to update my blog with all that which are worth mentioning....Recently, myspace here has been occupied with lots of tweets and all these amazing quotations copy pasted from other sources...That's exactly being PATHETIC all about. lol =) 
So much to record down in this diary of mine,but I've no idea where to start and where to end. I owe a HISTORY to my blog. I just hope I won't forget all  those beautiful moments of my life, by the time I have the freaking TIME .

So at all,
this is a tweet again.

I dare you tell me if there could be anything more sweeter than this.......???? =)

A Rhino story...=p

We can't make a rhino see what we could see,because no matter how much you describe the real scenery...his horn is still a part of everything he sees.
Just like how some people carry their insecurities everywhere they go and try to fit it into another person's story. 

And when we get to see the outcome,
All we could do is to awe in disbelief.
Like....,

LOL XD

Dear You,
The LAST HALF of your post about me is the best part that I've ever seen.Thank you.=)
But,
If only you'd take a moment to realise...,
I have never left you, and I am not leaving you....
But, YOU ARE CONSTANTLY LEAVING ME. 

p/s: Im only responsible for what I say, not what you understand.=)

Lol XD true that..

oh yea..=)

May all our dreams blossom...=)

HAVING to change,and WANTING to change are actually two very different things....just like,being AWARE of your crap and OVERCOMING your crap.

So,for a new year that is to come...these are my wishes for all of you and myself :

~ Lets all change for a better person ...
~ Lets forget all the mistakes made, forgive ourselves but remember the lessons.

~ Lets all make brand new mistakes . Make glorious, amazing mistakes.Make mistakes nobody ever made before,and choose to grow up even more.

~ Lets don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: Friends, love, or work or family or life!!!

~Lets beat the fears by facing whatever that comes.

~  Lets allow ourselves only to grief so that at a point, we can move on.., and not grief  for the entire life.
~ Lets enjoy life,while we still have .=)

My resolution:
 Focus more on studies.I certainly want it to happen,not just by words.I did all this while, but that has never been enough.People say you'll need to sacrifice certain things inorder to achieve something...,even if it means to be really heartless and selfish sometimes . 

So,this year...im gonna be this selfish person who chases her dreams like, hell,who cares what other's are thinking?..I wanna have the fire...,and be unstoppable. I want to be better than anybody in the entire Pharmacy program....,There are no teams,no buddies...its just Me,Myself and I .For a change,I want to be on my own,I want to learn to survive all by my own. 

And of course, to be such ,it has its own price...perhaps, I will have to dissappoint my own people due to the little time I spend with them. But I believe those who matter would'nt mind, and whoever mind ,does'nt matter anyway.=)

In the end,it is me who'd be calling the shots...and at that time when I have achieved what I exactly wanted..,I owe lotsa appreciation to the ones who really did'nt mind,because they atleast BELIEVED in me.=)
Last but not least, incase of mission fail...then this resolution will be again forwarded to next year. lol XD
Isn't that what happens everytime??? =p

HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD PEOPLE...& LETS ALL TOGETHER HAVE THE FIRE TOWARDS 2014!

p/s: My heartfelt thanks to all who I call them friends and family.If it were'nt because of you people...,my life would'nt be this AWESOME.=)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

A great saying quoted by a Fb friend of mine....,
" Relationship Status: Too much love is injurious to health hence fighting."
Lol xD..I could'nt agree more.
Have a beautiful year ahead friends. =)

Current addiction..

She has such a beautiful voice,isn't she? A mellifluous and soul stirring song..

How different is ego from dignity???? If I say NO just so that I don't get trampled upon,is 

it feeding one's ego or protecting self-dignity?

# Use it right

People always come up with so-called trends, which are quite annoying and infuriating to non-trendy person like me.Sometimes.Wait no,MOST OF THE TIMES.

Can anybody please help me to understand, why in world do people have to Hash tag almost everything they are saying  in Fb?..Perhaps it does serve a purpose in Twitter...Bt,whats with Fb for goodness sake?,..

Seriously,what could possibly be a reason for a person putting up an hash between each of their words like...I mean,c'mon..its not even making their statements fancy or something...it's just causing EYE SORE to some of us, really.Duh!

Or..it is that these are people who try to seek out attention for no good reason..? I don't know. Perhaps there's some extra excitement in letting others to crack their heads trying to figure out.......................................

But ,for whatever reason.,if you are one of those who does that, and your aim is to become famous by getting more likes for your apparently creative-looking sentences...then, let me tell you this...,

people get well-known for the things that they do outside of the social media, not because they could write up the longest hashtagged comments/posts in Fb. =)

#I#beg#you#STOP#HASHTAGGING#coz#dat#drives#me#crazy#just#not#literally##

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”
 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Guess, that is exactly what I'm doing now. =)

When someone who can even make fun of the most serious thing and never seen getting angry before, Suddenly gets angry for a reason...Thats, EXTRAORDINARY.

My reaction: Yean anne kovampadure???? LOL XD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a great day people =)